I think its time for me to face some facts and come to terms with myself about how i feel and what's really going on.
I am creatively depressed
in a subconcious level
on the outside i am bubbly and happy most of the time, i can get excited about my ideas and such, but the reality is, when it comes to bringing that idea to life, i suddenly feel down.
i cant quite explain why, i dont even quite know why i feel this way, but i do, and it effects my work, hinders it and makes everything just feel pointless and just nothing.
what am i doing
why am i doing it?
not all artists will show when they feel this way, its hard to, because its hard to explain, its hard to make others understand how i feel, how they feel , how it effects me, them and how i and they feel helpless about it.
i have ideas, so many of them, but i cant execute them, i try and try but i am constantly unhappy with it, constantly just deleting what ive done and staring before a blank page feeling hopeless.
what am i doing wrong?
why is nothing right?
why does it never look right?
i can see it so clearly in my mind and heart what it is that i want to show you, what i want to tell you, but i cant, something it isnt right.
I dont know what to do anymore...
i am disconnected with my own work
i work a mundane job that earns me cash that i need, but its not who i am, its emotionally draining going to work, having to talk all day long and be happy and cheery and everything.
i want to explode.
maybe im also stressed to the max .... hmmm