so for a long while ive done commissions and all sorts, but ive always kept prices lower than normal in fear of no one ever commissioning me at all.
But the older i became and the more i did these commissions, the more i began hating my work, feeling like its not worth it, i spend so much time on them for very little in return.
Then it hit me, i dont get serious and good commissioners because i dont come off as serious about what i do through those prices, that will now change, it needs to, im tired of working hard for peanuts, my prices may seem like alot in $'s but the reality is, in the UK, the cost of living IS higher, things are more expensive here.
il be honest, i sometimes put off doing a commission for a while because it wasnt worth my time, i have so much to do in my everyday life as it is, sometimes, it truely wasnt worth the effort.
thats not to say i dont care for them or dont do them, i do, sometimes it just takes alot to do them, i have to work myself up for it.
Some of my commissioners have been amazing, absolutely wonderful and i loved doing them, Others, not so much, some i have hated, cringed at, i just did not want to do it.
"so why did you take it?" sometimes its not as simple as that, often the idea at first seems good, i take it, i start, its going ok, then things suddenly change, the commissioner starts changing things, things get restrictive and all of a sudden im doing more work than i should be for what i was paid to do, but i cant ask for more money, its rather rude and the experience just becomes unenjoyable, i hate what im drawing, i hate everything about it.
its not happening from now on, i refuse to let this happen ever again.
for my own sanity, for my serious lovely commissioners satifaction too, i am not going through this pain anymore.
when i am unhappy, it shows, my work suffers, the quality slips and i become slow.
for my viewers and even for me, its horrible, when i finally notice, i start feeling my gallery is just a heap of garbage and i dont like any of it.
i dont want that, i want my viewers to see what i can do, see me at my fullest and enjoy my work at its brightest.
im full of ideas, there is so many in my head, so many things i want to draw, so many things i want to do or make, I AM an artist at heart, but if my wings are not free to fly and explore, i will forever feel unhappy with myself and what i do.
I want to make a comic book
i want to have many animations
i want to stream my drawings
Draw all the things i wanna draw
and once im done with my commissions i currently have, i will, im going to.
this is me, letting it all out, sharing how i feel, what im feeling
i do hope you dont mind, i dont want to be the negative vibe, but sometimes its hard to keep a happy face when im not really feeling it.
im not sure how many of you actively follow me, but thank you to all those that do ^^
your feedback, comments and everything make me enjoy what i do more, its nice to know when someone likes what i do.
Im moving next year, to another country!, thats scary, but also exciting, my work productivity will increase, i will be streaming, il be more active on youtube, with art tutorials, stream work, speedpaints and more.
i will thrive finally and im excited for that and excited to live with the person i care about.
i really wanna show you what else im up to, what else i can do!
i do more than just illustrations, some of my friends here will know ^^
i can sculpt, its tough, but i enjoy it!
i can paint on canvas
i paint dolls faces
i can make dolls
i can make doll wigs and dresses
and soon il be making clothes XD
i love to be creative in any way i can, and i wanna show that!
AND YES, I LIKE SMUT, you dont like it, dont watch me XD
there will be smut incoming more frequintly, along with all sorts of other things
i do hope you wont mind!
but even if you do, im not changing anything about that plan haha
Thank you if you have read this far, thank you for being there, for reading what i write and supporting me and my work.
you are lovely <3